A Series of Unfortunate Purchases (mostly pants)

Dear Millie,

Cucumber crap!  That’s just terrible.  But your chicken pies are beautiful!  I’ve never attempted puff pastry.  I think I need a special occasion to try that out soon!

Following our dog’s passing, I don’t know what happened, but every time I went out, I started buying things that weren’t on my shopping list.  This is an unusual behavior for me, and especially since (thankfully/surprisingly) it wasn’t food-related.  My pants purchases in particular surged.  This needed to happen since I only really have one pair of pants that fit.  Gordon asked me recently if they were my favorite pants because I wear them all the time.  I hung my head as I answered that I was too big for the bajillion other pairs I own.  He was surprised!  Bless him.

Anyway, I kept picking up what I thought were giant pants (according to the tags, they’d all be a couple of sizes bigger than the “favorite” pair I was wearing), only to find that I couldn’t even pull them all the way up.  Booooo.  I did get another pair of pants that fit great until the top, where it flares open like Goofy’s water pants.  You know the ones!  I can’t find a picture, but I’m feeling like these are a close match:

Somehow, they were manageable in the fitting room, and flattering, even, but that was for the two seconds I had them on.  My home experience has been ridiculous.  For one thing: NO FRONT POCKETS.  What the heck!?!  They look like they have front pockets, as there’s a lovely seam where the pocket opening should be.  These ersatz pockets have been the subject of my rage every time I decide that this time will be different and the pants will be just fine!  Also.  ALSO.  There seems to be an overabundance in backside material.  Once I have them on, the gapingness at the top forces repeated hitching, and when said hitching is done, my back pockets seem to be more in the back region than the seat region.  While it’s not a pleasant experience to have my phone buzzing on my backside, I keep thinking I’m having back spasms every time I get a message or phone call.

Along with the ersatz-pocket-pants, I had all the other erroneously size-labeled pants.  Instead of putting them back, I thought they looked cute and will fit eventually (hopefully soon), so I bought them.  Let’s be clear: I ALREADY HAVE PANTS IN THE SIZES I PURCHASED!  Plenty of them!  I was supposed to be finding pants that fit now so that my “favorite” pair aren’t the only pair.

I also bought a stair stepper.  Because why not?  I should be out of my clown pants and into my billion other less circus-type ones in no time.  🙂

Love,

Grace

 

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