Things must be nuts wrapping up the semester. Is the teacher stress similar to your years as a student? I don’t envy you!
The night before last, Gordon was in class and I was putting the children to bed. The girls wanted to watch a movie, and were happy to sit together on the one chair by the television while I tucked in the boys. The boys were wanting to finish reading the second book of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. Who can turn down a request from children? To READ?? (As it turns out, I can. I did just last night because it was really late. I felt terribly guilty and skipped breakfast with the boys so that I could read to them while they ate before school this morning. I KNOW. Such a sacrifice! Well, then I ate after they caught the bus, but still. We all know how much of a morning person I am to begin with and that I probably shouldn’t go too long without something in my belly or else hangry happens. But this isn’t about last night. It’s all about the night before last.)
So! The children were all settled and I was reading to the boys with the door open in case the girls needed anything across the way. At one point, one of the girls closed the door, which I thought was funny, but we continued. I decided to check on the girls before starting the very last chapter, and they were standing near the tv instead of sitting on the chair, but they were happily chatting and seemed just fine. I left the door open and we finished the book. Just as we did, Gordon texted to say he’d finished class and wondered how things were going. The boys were excitedly discussing clues leading into the next book and I turned on some music for them, turned out their lights, and closed their door.
Lucy. Oh that girl! She came running over yelling, “Hi, Mom!” She was hopping around and so happy and I thought it was cute she was so excited to see me. Then I noticed she had sticky blue stuff on her hands and also dog hair covering them. When I got her to settle down, I noticed the same blue rubbed into her face. The boys had probably left the lid off of the toothpaste. Awesome.
Gordon came upstairs as I was washing Lucy up in our bathroom and we started chatting about his class. Vanessa joined us and guess who else had blue toothpaste rubbed all over her face as well? They’d obviously been eating it. The dog appeared and also had toothpaste on her coat. I grabbed the toothpaste tube and read aloud to everyone the Warnings:
The tube was nearly empty, so I called Poison Control. Yippee! I was relieved (but not surprised) that they get calls every night about toothpaste swallowing and don’t really worry unless it’s been over an ounce ingested. The tube was 2.7 oz., so I couldn’t really say. They advised calcium (Tums and/or milk were suggested), watching them for an hour, and then calling back if there was any vomiting or diarrhea. The girls love Tums, as it turns out, and thought I’d given them candy. I probably should’ve just stuck with milk!
Gordon went to turn off the tv, and found globs of toothpaste bedazzling the carpet, the chair, a baby doll’s entire face, a blanket, the banister, the Wii U controller, and, lovingly painted with broad hand strokes and swirled finger patterns, the bottom third of the television itself. Our house seems to be the site of a recurring modern-day loaves and fishes miracle, because there’s no way the amount of toothpaste covering the upstairs, our girls, and the dog would’ve fit into that tube.
Vanessa knew she was in trouble by our wide eyes, clenched-teeth talking, and while I can’t say for sure, probably the employment of flared nostrils* on my part. She burst into tears and tried to explain that she had wanted to create something beautiful with the toothpaste since it was so sparkly and pretty. Actual quote punctuated by sobs: “I just thought it would be beautiful. It looked cool.”
All I can say is that Day 2 of the #LIGHTtheWORLD initiative seems appropriate. I should probably send Mumsie and Pops my own apologies for the time I, as a 2-year-old, was found in their bathroom fingerpainting on the mirror after I’d found Pops’s razor and discovered I could make “pretty colors!” by using the razor on my fingertips. I deserve the toothpaste. Even the blobs of it on the toilet seat I found later that night. In the dark. I’ll end there.
Light the World!
*Frightening persons of all ages for 35 years! Nostrils-for-Hire(tm) is the perfect addition to your terrifying event!